Some Desiring Surfaces

4.11.17

Jesse and I were being driven in the backseat of a vehicle. We were holding hands. His family and/close friends were up front; they were asking us about our relationship, and I put it very point blankly: we have a 21 year difference; we love each other but are not in love, not in the way two people are who have the capacity to be together; we do not. We were both smiling, both so happy. We got dropped off in the woodsy area of his home, a tree-house sort of place that he once occupied in another dream of mine, and went to separate bedrooms. It was daytime then, but then night fell, though it was a lit up sort of night--never did I feel the darkness of my subconscious present in many other dreams. His nephew was there and kept coming into my dark room to play , and soon we were rolling around and shrieking joyfully and making a fort beneath the bed--and Jesse came in--we had woken him up. I desperately wanted to leave the room and join him in his room, If just to spoon him and feel his strong, vivacious body (almost like another part of myself--not exactly sexual but not not sexual), but then thought of M. I half woke up and realized the dream, and heard what M told me a while ago--to venture into any situation in a dream, that it was OK to explore in that way, in a dream, and I smiled and my heart fluttered, though I couldn't fully bring myself back to it--it still somehow felt wrong, though still so much love for Jesse and his love back to me flowed and flowed, well after awakening; it felt like pure goodness, pure reckoning, pure admiration and intensity and awe.