Channeling Jenni / Becoming the Other


I occupied two apartments; I lived with M.A. down the street, and I lived with Jenni here.

Jenni and I had been on a date with a much, much older man. I felt her innocence in leading him on. I knew what he would propose later. We strolled around the city. I had a flask of tequila, which the old man drank most of. I rolled out my black convertible. He was haughty, demanding. I drove us back to a bedroom. I took off my pants and started to kiss him, but as soon as I put my hands around his sagging body, I pushed myself back. 'I can't do this,' I said, putting on my pants. Jenni stared at him blankly. I knew she wouldn't. He made a small scene, mumbling to himself and hitting a wall before leaving, then walked back and stuck his head in to tell us, with a grin, that it was okay. I knew it wasn't okay. I bolted the door. I told Jenni to grab her things and we bolted; I felt him on his way back to the room, enraged. We ran out the other door into a huge office-casino; colorful patterned carpeting spanned across a room of office cubicles and bright lights. I ran from desk to desk, ducking under them, hoping Jenni was doing the same. I watched policemen looking for two perpetrators. Were they looking for us? Was there some huge misunderstanding? Did we do something wrong?

Meanwhile, back at Jenni's and my apartment, M.A. and I stood outside. I noticed the broken door windows, the glass inside. We entered cautiously, M.A. behind me. Jenni's orange cat lay chopped up in pieces. Also other things looked off. I walked into the dining room, where the two male perpetrators were laying on the floor, writhing, paralyzed. But still they had force; they were dangerous. I jumped on one, straddling him, shouting at M.A. to do the same with the other; for some reason he wasn't fighting them. I held the one down with such force. I was furious. I pushed my whole body against him. I kept shouting for M.A. to hold the other one down. I became enthralled with the being I touched; it was if I was merging with him, black and charred. It was no longer male, nor female. I became incredibly sexually aroused. I knew who this being was. I told it to finger me. I knew M.A. was far, far off. I was becoming someone else. 

I, now male, waved to the perpetrators, mine now female (the other I wasn't aware of), as they walked to their black vehicle. I walked towards M.A., who was waiting by our car, but then turned around. I whispered in my perpetrator's ear, 'Next time you want me perhaps don't break in and kill a cat; call me or something.' I then winked. It was supposed to be funny. The male part of me was flirting with this demon, making my dangerous desire apparent. She smiled and laughed giddily. She had stringy hair and dark red lipstick, a red silk blouse. 

Rachel NagelbergComment